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24 Feb 2021
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Change Negative Patterns in Your Life

Change Your Life; Change Your Patterns

You have patterns that you follow every day. Some of these patterns are good and some not so good. How is your morning pattern helping you prepare for the day? You need to identify your patterns if you want to change your life. It really is as simple as change your life; change your patterns.

You are where you are because of the patterns in your life.

When you wake up, do you roll out of bed and just kind of let life happen? Do you get out of bed with purpose? Your patterns will determine your success. Recognize where you are at and what are your patterns.

My Pattern of Blame

For me, I had several patterns that were holding me back, one of them was blaming others. I was allowing my self to use every excuse in the book as to why I was not successful: the economy, a client, the weather … it did not matter. Using external circumstances to blame for my situation was easy and gave me an out. I recognized that this pattern was being repeated over and over.

This pattern was not serving me, a matter of fact it was holding me back from being so much greater than I could be. When I recognized this pattern and how it was holding me back, I made a change. I stopped blaming anything but myself. I took responsibility, there was only one person to blame, and it was me.

When you take responsibility for your life, you don’t allow others or anything to hold you back. You design your life the way you want it. You see challenges as a way to stretch you and come up with creative solutions.

Identify Your Patterns

I changed my pattern by saying, “I’m in charge of my life. I’m not giving that responsibility to anyone else.”

  • What patterns are holding you back?
  • Do your patterns encourage and support a positive, productive life?
  • Who are you blaming for lack of success?
  • Be honest with yourself and take courage in designing your life to be a life of success and happiness.
  • You’re amazing, believe it!

Tony Rhoton – Mentor, Coach, Speaker – 801.787.5765

One of the hardest things for people to do is accept compliments. There are so many times we push them away, discount them and never accept them. When we do this, we are training our mind that this is not who I am or whom I want to be. Accept the compliment, believe in yourself so you can make things happen in your life. You’re amazing, believe it.

Compliments are given to us because that’s who you are being. If you reject the compliment, your training your brain that this is not who you are. You’re much greater than you give yourself credit for and can accomplish great things in life. Accept the compliments given to you and recognize your potential.

Climb to Higher Ground and Lift Others

In the process of improving myself, I have realized a very important truth:

“If I want to lift others up, I have to be on higher ground. It is a lot more enjoyable to be on the higher ground with others.”

Tony Rhoton

Being on higher ground does not mean I’m better than you or that you’re better than anyone else. It is not arrogant or egotistical. It is a simple concept, if you are not standing on something or not higher than someone else. You can lift them up if they stood on your shoulders but you don’t want them standing on your shoulders. Be the support and encourage them to stand strong by themself. You have more leverage being above so they can see the possibilities. You can lift someone if you’re standing on the same plane by encouraging and supporting them. However, if you don’t know something different or do anything different than the person you’re trying to lift, they will get the same results. You have to improve yourself to lift, push or pull them to higher ground.

Once you are shown ways to improve you must take action. The adage, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink is so true; I’ve shown you and can show you how to improve yourself, increase your confidence and gain stronger self-esteem but it takes action, you must drink. I can’t force you to drink that is up to you. Are you willing to take action on the things that will improve and change your life forever?

I apologize if this article seems a little convoluted but the important thing to remember is in order for you to help others, you must help yourself.

You’re amazing, believe it!

Powerful Words Build or Destroy

The other day I overheard a man talking about his children. His daughter is an incredibly talented and gifted individual and was talking about how she’s doing these great things. Then he turns to his son and says, “This is my worthless son, and grabs him and a loving squeeze.”

He starts laughing, and so did his son, but I was cringing inside because I know how damaging words can be. This young man had just returned from serving a mission for his church, has a fulltime job, and is extremely responsible. He is not worthless.

I know his father was being sarcastic and joking around, but words pierce the very center or who we are. The son said, “It’s no big deal.”

This statement, “It’s no big deal.” is terrifying because it’s enormous. He, the son, will most likely perpetuate this same negative speak to his children and if he doesn’t his father probably would. Our words will destroy, and we can’t let them.

Damaging Effects of Words

I have gone to so many self-improvement conferences that I have seen the detrimental effects of words. I witnessed a grown man (I’ll call him Kyle), cowboy tough, 250 lbs of solid muscle cry and weep because of just wanting the approval of his dad. The words that were said to him were just like the story I mentioned above. Kyle never feels like his dad appreciates or values him and all he wants to do is impress him.

Because of Kyle’s desire to impress his dad, Kyle is trying to do everything his dad wants him to do. Kyle is not pursuing his dreams and his goals. He’s continuing his father’s dreams and goals because he thinks that will impress his father and then he’ll get the validation he’s seeking.

Note: if you pursue other’s dreams, you will never get the validation you need, never!

Powerful Effects of Words

On the flip-side, words can also be tremendously building, encouraging, and supporting, creating massive change.

I’ll refer to a man named Nick Vujicic and his story. He grew up without any arms or legs, but his parents spoke positively to him and refused to hear the words, “I can’t.” Nick is married, has children and speaks around the world.

If Nick’s parents would have told him he was worthless, I think his story would be completely different.

For me, it’s hard to hear about the struggles people go through because I know there’s a way out. I know that men, women, and children can implement some skills in their life to move forward despite their past.

Matter-of-fact, I know you can leverage your past to propel you towards a brighter future. Your past can be viewed as a gift to others. If you can start to change you, the world becomes a more glorious place.

You may be reading this and frustrated or feeling shame because you say things like this, there’s hope. Start implementing changes today, make today a better day. Today don’t swear; use negative speak or destructive language. Today, right now, is the day that you can build, encourage, support and empower others around you. You can affect change, do it!

You’re amazing. Your past can be the best gift you give to your children, friends, and family if you know how.

I would love to help you find increased hope and purpose in life.

Tony Rhoton, Mentoring women so they can find hope and purpose in life.  801.787.5765

Commitment, Persistence Will Win

Response to an email I received:

You’re awesome for staying in touch and reaching out; Commitment and persistence will win any race. In his email, this person said, they have not arrived, this is my response, “I would like to point out something; arrival is relative.”

What is it that you’re looking for to say, “You have arrived?”

Here’s what I mean:

When you say you have not arrived anywhere, I would say you have arrived several places. You have reached one month no slips; 2 months, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, and counting. Reducing the slips, is a massive arrival, even with slips, you’re amazing, and I hope you realize that. You have accomplished and continue to achieve tremendous things in your life. You may not recognize them, but that doesn’t mean they are not happening.

Stay Positive

We beat ourselves up for what we haven’t done. I haven’t gotten rid of … I haven’t changed. I haven’t been able to get a job. I haven’t been a good …   How about changing the language and focus on what you have done.   For me, I can say: I have been honest with my wife. I have been supportive of my children. I have loved my kids despite their struggles. I have finished the wall in my yard, etc.…

Your Focus

It’s time to focus on what’s positive and what you have done so that you can take yourself to the next level of mental strength.   You have accomplished a lot, list them, what are they?   Start focusing on the positive and what you have done and are doing; it will help you stay there.   Keep going, don’t give up! – – – Additional thoughts: I hate abuse of any kind, and I realize that sometimes we are the abuser to ourselves. Step back and notice what it is that you’re abusing yourself over and rewrite that story in your mind.   For example, if I say that nobody cares about what I have to say. I need to rewrite this mentally and start to internalize the rewrite. This is how I would rewrite this negative statement. I am so honored that there are so many people who love what I have to say.   Rewrite the negative thought to a positive thought and read this new positive thought to yourself, every day before bed and as soon as you wake up.    

Thoughts – Emotions – Triggers – Action – Results
Use Triggers to Create Positive Results

One of the challenges we have in life is the way we react to stimuli. Stimulation can happen in many ways, physical, emotional, mental, visual and even verbal. When the stimulus happens, you have a natural reaction sometimes the response is positive but most of the time the reaction is negative.

Today, I want to focus on the reaction or the triggered response that is negative. You can learn to use triggers positively to avoid negative behaviors.

Imagine these different scenarios:

Scenario 1. It’s a beautiful day, the sun’s shining, and I don’t have a problem at all, and I’m enjoying it. In the process of enjoying my time, my phone rings, and it’s a family member reminding me about the party we have tonight. Terror rips through my body when I realize who’s going to be there and they drive me insane.

or

Scenario 2. I struggle with pornography, and every time I go into the store, I’m triggered, and I want to act out.

or

Scenario 3. Every time my child does (Insert Behavior), I yell at them.

Each scenario is creating a trigger, and in this case, they are all negative.

Imagine if you could change these scenarios, but instead of the trigger creating a negative reaction, they are all positive reactions. The process is interrupting the pattern so that you can change the automatic responses that keep happening. In these scenarios that I listed above, two of them creates anger and one the person acts out, gives into the addiction.

How to Change the Response

With the continual repetition of a particular action cemented in place for years, you must put on your inspector’s cap and first recognize what the stimuli are so that you can interrupt the patterns. For scenario number one the pattern was a family member that had developed some negative feelings. Scenario number two was the store, and the final scenario was a child.

Once you identify what the stimulus patterns are, then you go to work to logically process and think about how to interrupt them. The way you interrupt the normal reaction is by preparing yourself for entering the situation with confidence, not fighting your usual tendencies but guiding them to a different result, a positive reaction.

Example How to Use Trigger to Create Positive Result

Using scenario 2, before you walk into the store you must:

  1. Realize the trigger is real.
  2. Separate yourself from the problem, for example, I know every time I go into the store, there are some seductive magazines on the right-hand side. I’m not going to look at them, even though IT (my subconscious mind) wants me too. I don’t like the way I feel, and I don’t want to act out.
  3. Create an action plan. I’m going to walk into the store, go straight to the items I want to purchase, and then I’ll check out.
  4. Follow the action plan/path.

In scenario 1 and 2, you follow this same pattern:

  • Recognize and acknowledge the trigger, the family member or your child.
  • Every time I see (name of person) I get so mad. I don’t want to be around them, but it’s not good for the family to ignore him. When my child throws a fit, I get angry.
  • Create an action plan. I’m going to visit the family and every time I think of (insert name), I’m going to remember the fun time we had doing (insert activity). When my child throws a fit, I’m going to remember that time we bonded together and realize; he struggles too.
  • Follow the plan/path.

Creating the New Path

One thing that is very important is to create a path and follow it every time. You have trained yourself to follow or behave a negative way for so long; it’s ingrained. Now you have to gently guide your mind to the new positive path that’s the same every time to replace the old one.

Yes, go to the same positive memory when the corresponding trigger happens so you can reroute to a better life.

Tony Rhoton – Mentor, Coach, Speaker 801.787.5765

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