OUR BLOG

24 Feb 2021
establishing boundaries

Establishing Boundaries No Matter What

Establishing Boundaries is Critical

Today was a powerful experience regarding personal boundaries. I kept feeling like I need to do a video, which I normally do every Tuesday and Thursday but I kept feeling a sense of urgency so I set up my lights; wrote on the board my topic and then hit record.

After about 15 minutes of recording, put away the lights and I prepared the file. In the process of editing the video so I could upload it, I felt,

“This is not the video to create today.”

Feeling perplexed and confused because it was what came to my mind, I sat down and wrote a letter to my Higher Power (loving Heavenly Father). In my letter, I  asked him,

“What should I do a video on today? What do my listeners need to hear?”

His Response

In response to my letter to Him, this is what I heard and felt,

writing to god

Writing to Heavenly Father, I received a new direction to help you in establishing boundaries.

“There are a lot of my daughters that need help establishing boundaries to protect themselves from physical and emotional hurt. Talk about these boundaries.

As soon as I finished reading the letter, I felt a flood of emotion come over me.

I don’t know exactly who this video was for, maybe it was for you? I am honored that I was here to deliver it.

It is an honor and blessing to help all of Heavenly Fathers daughters and son’s discover how to let go of their past, to move forward.

You may be feeling devalued, useless, worthless, disgusting and a flood of other feelings. You may even feel like you should just die.

These feelings come because of the pain you have experienced in the past that you have not learned how to manage. You may be thinking you’re a lost cause and that you’re not worth any help.

I’m here for you and I hope this article and video is helpful for establishing boundaries in your life.

You are of worth, value, and love.

self worth
Realize you are of infinite worth.

Realize Your Worth

No matter what you have done in your past or what others have said to you, you’re a child of God. You are.

This concept may be foreign to you, but it’s true. You have infinite worth.

You’re loved by a greater Being than you’ve experienced on this earth.

Abuse of any kind is NOT okay.

You are not responsible or the cause, it’s the reactions of someone else who has not learned to manage their behaviors.

There are also people who prey on those people who are weak.

Individuals that don’t know how to manage the pain from their past, give off a cue as easy prey. You must strengthen yourself, mentally, emotionally and physically. If you strengthen yourself mentally and emotionally, you will no longer be preyed upon.

You are amazing! The problem, you don’t realize it!

I’m here to help you realize how amazing you are and believe it.

If you have any further questions on establishing boundaries after reading this, please ask?

Establishing Boundaries and How to Set Up Boundaries

Identify the Boundaries

Identify where are the struggles because this is the area you will need to establish some boundaries.

establishing boundaries

Establishing boundaries helps you and others know what’s okay, and what’s not.

What areas are you struggling in:

  • time?
  • relationships?
  • intimacy?
  • spirituality?
  • financially?
  • parenting?
  • sleep?
  • health?
  • business?
  • service?

If you’re going to establish boundaries, you need to know what those boundaries are.

Say YES

As you’re setting up boundaries in each of the areas I mentioned above, what are you okay with currently and what are you not?

say yes e1618436743141

Identify what you are okay with as you’re setting up your boundaries.

When you know what you are okay with, you will also discover what you are not okay with. For example: If you’re asked to go to a party but it’s going to be from 6pm until 5am.

You may think this is okay; however, if you have the boundary that you are going to go to bed at midnight, there’s no question. You know exactly what you’ll do and you can let the person know that you will be leaving at 11:30 pm.

You avoid that awkwardness of leaving in the middle of something because you’ve already established that you were leaving.

This example can is the format to follow. Beforehand, establish what are you okay with? Let others know what you will be doing and most important, follow through.

Say NO

It’s okay to say, ‘NO’ especially when it comes to your body.

say no

It’s ok to say no when you set up boundaries.

Many individuals think they have to say yes to everything; however one of the greatest strengths we have is when we say, “No.”

It’s okay to say NO when you don’t want to do something, go somewhere, be someone, etc. Standing up for yourself is empowering and helps establish proper boundaries.

set up reminders

Set up reminders in places that you will
see them regularly to remind you to
stay true to your boundaries.

Set Reminders

It’s easy to get caught up in life as we are establishing boundaries and allow our boundaries to start to crumble so it’s important to set reminders of what your boundaries are for each section of your life.

Here are a few ways to set reminders:

  • Use your phone to give you a regular reminder.
  • Write sticky notes and place them in areas that you’ll see regularly (closet, bathroom, nightstand, etc.)
  • Engage others to help you remember. (Have someone you trust ask you periodically how you’re doing on your boundaries and be honest with them.)
  • Set up mental monuments that every time you see something, it reminds you of your boundaries.

I recommend reviewing your boundaries regularly if it’s something that you are struggling with until it becomes normal and natural to follow.

Follow Through

It’s so easy to allow our boundaries to become more of suggestions instead of boundaries so you need to follow through.

The person you want to have the most integrity with, is yourself. Be honest with yourself. If you say you’re going to do something or not do something, do it, and don’t allow anything to get in the way.

Recap Establishing Boundaries

To recap this article and simplify it down to gold nuggets to take away:

  1. Realize you are of worth and extremely valuable.
  2. Identify areas of struggle, this is where you need to establish boundaries.
  3. Say, “YES” determine what you are okay with and what you are not okay with.
  4. Say, “NO” it’s empowering to say no and keep your boundaries that you’ve set.
  5. Set reminders of your boundaries so you don’t forget them.
  6. Follow through on keeping your boundaries.

There is so much we can do to improve ourselves and our life, if you’re needing additional help, let me help you.

Tony Rhoton • Personal Improvement Coach 801.787.5765

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