Parenting Responsibility or Children’s Responsibility?
Sometimes it can seem fuzzy about our responsibilities as a parent versus the child. What’s the responsibility of the parent or accountability of the child? You probably get a lot of advice from friends and family. You’re probably tired of it and especially don’t want to read or listen to another article or video; however, I feel we should never stop learning 🙂 In the video below, I answer the question about taking on responsibility.
I’ve frequently been asked questions regarding parenting. I don’t know why but I think it has something to do with the fact my children talk to me from toddler to adult. They are all phenomenal, respectful, hard working and probably the biggest reason, I have 7 children. Whatever the reason I’m asked these questions, I do feel like I’m a good parent.
Here’s my criteria for a good parent:
- Loves and supports, despite their choices.
- Encouraging despite your own personal feelings.
- Caring and watches over them.
- A good parent does not hover and allows the child to make affordable mistakes and grow from them.
- Maintains composure, no yelling, screaming at your children.
(I don’t do this very much but I have yelled at my kids, especially if they were not respectful to my beautiful wife.) - Never strikes in anger.
(I don’t feel there’s anything wrong with a spanking, as long as it’s never done in anger.) - Always show increased love after any discipline.
- Says, “I love you.” I have met a lot of adults that say, “I wished my mom and dad told me they love me.”
- Laughs and cries with them.
- Listens to understand not to be understood.
- Says, “I’m sorry.”
- Manages their emotions.
I’m sure I’ve missed several other things that I feel are important to be a good parent and I will update this as I think of some. What are some things you do to let your children know that you love and care for them?
Yesterday, I was out in my garden and was looking at everything I have planted and I noticed my peas were coming up. 🙂 As I was looking at the peas, a thought kept coming to mind, “You’re like these peas. You must go through some stress in order to change and reach your full potential.”
If you want to change your life, you must make changes in your life.
For example, you can’t keep emotionally eating and expect to be fit. You can’t improve your business, if you aren’t looking at areas that need to be changed.
You are just like the pea, if you don’t undergo some changes in our own life, you can’t expect to help others or be our best self. Trying to help your child, if you are struggling is very difficult and frequently futile. Your child knows if you have your act together or not.
I think our children have built in detectors, but only detect the negative sometimes, unless you change it. In order for things to change around you, you must change. If you want things to improve, you must improve.
You can’t expect to sit and do nothing, and get the results you want. It doesn’t work that way.
The pea plant is a great reminder that as you grow, and change your life, you able to:
- Enrich the lives of others.
- Be a healthy resource.
- Bring joy and happiness to others.
What’s going on in your life that you need to change? Do you have relationships that need healing and mending? Are you struggling in your business? Is your marriage and family life in shambles?
No matter what your struggle maybe, I can help you reach your full potential and purpose. You’re amazing, believe it! 801.787.5765
Respect is Critical
Too many children do not show their parents and specifically their mothers respect. This creates a problem later in life because this lack of respect continues on to their spouse and children.
Pushing Doesn’t Work – Lead with Love and Compassion
I share my experience where I tried to push someone to succeed, and I didn’t mentor with love and compassion and it almost backfired.
When I mentor with love and compassion, doors open, communication opens, and success happens. However, today, I realized that I did not mentor with love and compassion and I tried to push her to break through her struggles. I tried to force the issue that I could see holding her back.
Step Back Apologize
I had to step back and build safety immediately and acknowledge what I did was wrong and modify what I was asking her to do. After I created safety I had to back up and help her realize she could talk, we continued and discovered a technique that I think would help her tremendously.
When I stepped back and apologized, I discovered where she was really at, and doors opened. I acknowledge that I made a mistake. I then look at other possible solutions to keep her moving forward.
Moving Forward
When I got on the same page, solutions to the potential issues presented themselves. I cannot assume that just because I feel someone is ready to move forward, that they are. I have to be a kind, compassionate, and loving mentor that will gently guide the mentee to the beautiful oasis that awaits them.
Success Despite the Challenge
Despite the challenge, I helped her continue to move forward. She went away with some new action steps to overcome the feelings she has penned up inside. I am grateful to mentor women, teens and adults. I am honored and humbled to have this amazing opportunity, thank you.
Summary
- Step back and analyze if you are gently guiding someone or if you are trying to push them.
- After you recognize what you’re doing, adjust if you need to.
- If you are pushing, backpedal a bit and establish safety.
- Apologize for pushing them and not being more considerate of their feelings.
- Look for new solutions with the individual to handle the problem at hand.
Reminder
Process those negative feelings, get them out of you.
Negative feelings hold you back from being even better than you are.
You’re Amazing, Rise Up!